I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
