I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
