just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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