im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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