i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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