Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
