Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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