i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
