Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize