Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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