I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
