shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
