i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
