It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
