More tranny stories later!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
