I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
