I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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