you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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