That's intense
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize