My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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