I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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