Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
