Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
