He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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