Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize