It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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