People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
