literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
