My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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