well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
