Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
