I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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