i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
