Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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