I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
