So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
