I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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