from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
