clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
