I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
