You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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