dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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