just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
