my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
