listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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