Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
