the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
