i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
