You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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