mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
