Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
