that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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