I got chris browned last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
