the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
