you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
