I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
