you have to choose: penises or morals?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just had sex on a roof
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
