someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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