She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
3pm strippers are depressing
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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